I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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