the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Be still, my beating vagina.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
