he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
