Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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