Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
