My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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