i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
