Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
