why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
