You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
