Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
