drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
The Olympian is in my bed
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
