uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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