So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
