epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
