Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
