My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Randomize