Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You are the jesus of drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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