so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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