I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
