She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
