Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
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