I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
