bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
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You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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