Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
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