Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
