and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
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The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
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Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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