ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
