i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
