i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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