recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm getting married
To pizza
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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