Sponge bath it is.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
