the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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