I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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