i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
