I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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