It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
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I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why did my mother make you get naked?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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