True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
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I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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