wat bout pragnant strippers??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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