I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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