So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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