then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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