my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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