You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
