My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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