I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
