you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
