cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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