No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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