and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
