I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Enjoy the penises
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