Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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