True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.