Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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