Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
