Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
