I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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