you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
