I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
