I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
